Sometimes I feel like I am doing the wrong thing by wanting a long-lasting relationship. I see other people having their fun and their freedom, and even at work, others pressure me to just go out and have fun…not worry about ever getting married, not worry about settling down with that one person that was made just for me…and just to live day-by-day as it comes and then goes.
Sometimes I feel like those people are right…that they know what they talk about.
But then I remember the feeling of being proposed to…of the dreams of me being that blushing bride and walking down the aisle…and then my heart begins to race within my chest, my cheeks flush over images that my mind plays for me as I day-dream about the day that I will say “I do.”
And then I know why I fight for the people I love, for the people I want to be with, for people who would just look me over and not even think of giving me a single chance. That’s why I continue to cry for closure and hug myself to sleep at night wondering what I have done that was so wrong when I could easily put the blame on someone else and call them hypocrite and liar.
That’s why I continue to play the game called ‘Love’ and understand that with each choice comes a consequence that I must face because I brought it about. That’s why I continue to hurt, to cry, to bleed, to scream, to smile, to love, to laugh, and to hold…all because of that single dream that maybe one day…someone will want me for me, will want to dedicate themselves to me, be faithful to me, and never waver their gaze to another and ask themselves: “What if?”
That’s why I keep hoping that one day I will be good enough…that I might make the right choices to lead me to happiness (with more friends in than foes). *sigh* I hate lonely nights…
Poem by: Amelia Long
When someone gives you butterflies,
Do you despise them for it?
Do you fear that something might come from these feelings?
…bind you to the spot with no way of escape?
When someone gives you butterflies,
Do you cherish it like a gift?
Do you savor the flavor that each kiss leaves upon your lips?
…praying that the moment never fades?
When someone gives you butterflies,
Do you let them slip through your fingers?
Do you weigh the options and choose accordingly?
…play the biggest game of ‘chance’ that life has to offer?
When someone gives you butterflies…
…and you know that you cannot deny how you feel…
…would you have what it takes to break someone’s heart?
Or do you allow yourself to suffer?
After all…it was only butterflies…right?
