I am one of those people who find it hard to let things go. Especially relationships.
I have been so blessed over the course of 2 years to have an amazing woman who i love...but as some say, that blessing has also been something of a curse.
As it would seem, each time I get the chance to be back with this so-said-amazing-woman, something always goes terribly wrong, and then i am left single again, forced to watch as she mingles and melds with other people and leaves me at home...lonely...and wondering why we even split apart.
And by now...after she has dumped me for the 3-4 time...I'm starting to think that maybe I should just take the hint. Maybe I should wake up and realize that in all reality, her and I might not be made for each other. And I say 'might', because, even as I sit here and type out my feelings through tears, there is that part of me that still refuses to give up on what I consider a true love.
*sighs*
Sadder still is that I also realized that a lot of the things that go wrong in my relationship with that other woman...they are mostly my fault. Petty mistakes that are repeated too often soon become major problems that cannot be fixed. then comes the bitter feelings, they yelling, saying a bunch of things that we dont mean, and then my crying and whining...begging her not to leave me (which then leads to more fighting). It's like an endless cycle that never seems to stop.
As I wrote before...I am not the most perfect person and therefore have a hard time keeping up a good relationship. I am prone to make stupid mistakes AND to make them often. I am prone to get annoyed, and while I do not lose my temper, I get snippy and turn into a major-sarcastic-smart-ass. then there is my paranoia which often bothers my significant other, and then on top of all that, I talk too much, have a hard time keeping secrets, AND I assume way too often for my own good.
Though I may have grown a lot in the last 2 years that I have been living on my own, I realize that I still have a lot to learn, and that until I DO get a handle on this thing called 'life'...any other relationships down the road will end just the same as this one has.
I only wish that I could turn back time...change everything and fix my problems so that when I wake up later this afternoon, I will still have a girlfriend, and I will still be laying in another's arms. Guess it's my fault though...she's leaving because of my stupidity...and I will never be able to hold her again. And she'll move on without a problem...and me...
...
....
.....
......I will still be in love with her.
