---My Flaws---

~My Flaws~

I never claimed to be perfect…in fact, by saying that I am anywhere near perfect, that would be far off from the actual truth. In fact, there are many things that make me flawed…some things that I am not proud of, some things that I cannot change, but all of these things is what makes me…well…Me!

• I am not always cut out for the real world:

I understand that there are things that I do not know. I do not always want to go to work, I do not always have the money to pay my bills on time. My idea of professional dress might be very casual compared to someone else, and I do not even have resume. I don’t always know where to locate my high school diploma when attending an interview…and the day just seems incomplete if I am not complaining about something, especially my job. To tell you the truth, I just got a new job up near Indianapolis…I will probably be moving in less than a month, and the thought absolutely TERRIFIES me! I know I will not like the job, I know that living arrangements will be weird while I get used to living back with another adult that is like a mother-type-figure to me. I know that I might not like some rules and hate having to wait to find a place…and the fact that I have never left Terre Haute since I was born does not make it any better. But I’m still going to do it…

• I often come off as very childish:

I am not always the more mature one of the group. I would rather joke than have a serious conversation…I would rather sit down and play video games then get up to wash the dishes, or do the laundry, or take out the trash. I tend to throw fits when I’m having a bad day and/or something isn’t going my way. I’m highly emotional, and while physical pain I can deal with…when hurt emotionally, I will mope around the house or lay in bed and burst into tears when confronted about something (especially something which involved my own stupidity). I am often losing things that I should have kept in a safe place, I am often forgetting simple rules or procedures which get me into trouble later, and while I could tell you what boss I just killed in World of Warcraft (or what I ate for lunch), I would not be able to tell you why I did not fold the laundry or left the bedroom light on again.

• I tend to be a flop when it comes to relationships:

I’m somewhat obsessive when it comes to relationships. I do not mean to be this way, it just happens. When I meet someone, I start to fall too fast, and then I fall hard. Because I am so overly obsessed with loving someone (and making it my top priority to love them), I always feel as though the person I am with loves me less than what I give them in love. This isn’t always the case…it just seems this way because I try too hard to impress someone that I have already won over. Another problem I have is my paranoia in relationships. It would not matter whether the person had a history of cheating or not…any time that a lover is out with someone else, my mind begins to wander, and I make myself sick, playing out alternate realities where that lover of mine is out having the time of their life, not even thinking one bit about me and my being lonely at home, and he/she is out sleeping with someone else, not even caring whether they come home to me or not. I tend to think that  I’m not loved, or that the person who loves me is only pretending to love and./or using me for something…I tend to sometimes think that I am just a filler until the other person finds something better, and then that bring me down.

But the fact of the matter is that…

No matter what my flaws may be, I am true to myself AND true to others around me! If we are in love, and I make a promise…I will keep that promise, even if it takes me some time. If I say that I will follow you to the ends of the world, I mean it! When I say I love you, I mean it! When I say that I want to make things work, I mean it!

So I have a shitty memory…so I often make mistakes…don’t we all?

            To say that you love me…means that you love ALL of me. To say that you love me means that you have accepted me just the way that I am, and that you wouldn’t have me any other way. Arguments will happen, fights will happen, drama will happen, and things will often get misunderstood and blown out of proportions. But to say that you love me means that you are willing to fight for the love you know we share, and to fight for our future. To say that you love me means that you do not want to lose me…and I do not want to lose you.

No…I’m not perfect. But I will be there when no one else will. I can promise you that.