~Love & Hate~

"I hate that I love you." <----sound familiar?
 You see...we all have those moments where we are bitter towards people. Whether those people be lovers, relatives, it does not matter. It's all a matter of whether or not we can get rid of the bitterness within us. THATS what truly defines us. "Alright Mia...get to the point." <---I can hear you saying it from all the way through your computer screen.

So the 'friend' I keep mentioning...Taz.
It's no secret that I like her...no wonder to anyone that I'm madly in love with her, and no surprise that no matter how hard I try to win her heart, all my endeavors end the same way: A disaster.
I don't know how many times in out 1.5 years of knowing each other that she has turned to me, called me or whatever, and then said: "Hey...I just want to be friends." By now, it shouldn't shock me...by now, I should be used to always being second best...and by now, it shouldn't hurt me...but it does.

Sometimes...I really hate the fact that I love that woman.
Sometimes. I wish I could just disappear, just run away and hide and let time heal all wounds. But I can't. I feel that the longer I hold on, the sweeter the reward at the end, when others say it will be the opposite. and honestly, I don't know what to do and/or what to believe anymore. I love Taz with all my heart...we have been through so much together, and we have done so many things, overcome so many obstacles, and have forgiven each other for every dumb mistake. But while my heart is stuck in the same place all of the time...*sighs*.

She needs someone...she needs someone to stay by her side no matter what happens. She needs that person that she can always turn to no matter what, she needs that person that she can run to if ever she feels as if she has nowhere else to turn. And I feel like I am that person. So naturally...I'm not saying I want to be a doormat, a rebound, a floater, a fuck-buddy, or anything like that...but I'm starting to doubt that her and I can be lovers like I want us to. And while some days I hold firm in what I want, other days I find that I'm willing to let her take advantage of me just so that I feel loved.

So do I sometimes hate that I love her?
Or do I just hate love?

You think it out...